Thursday, September 11, 2008

Evil Roommates you may have figured out, I teach high school sophomores. I am not married and I don't have any kids, but I do have two high-maintenance teenagers in my house that I share living space with. Their names are Emma and Sophie, and while they may lure you into thinking they are cute and fun to hang out with, like teenagers, they are mostly just moody and demanding. I have had Emma for 5 years. She doesn't like very many people, and really dislikes men, although if my dad holds his hand out, she will deign to approach him and sniff it...but he BETTER NOT TOUCH HER.

If something happens to annoy her, for example if I look at her wrong, if Sophie is in the room somewhere, or I try to pet her when she is not in the mood, she will hiss and growl until you run away in terror. Inexplicably, she loves male veterinarians. She does NOT like Sophie at all, she gulps her food like she hasn't been fed in weeks, she has a sensitive stomach so I have to feed her special food, and she gets hairballs and throws up on the floor. She doesn't so much meow as trill in the back of her throat, she has an obsession with feet....especially flipflops, which she hugs to her chest and falls asleep on...and she doesn't mind riding in the car - as long as you play Karen Carpenter (she doesn't like Johnny Cash, and if you play something she doesn't like, she will start grumbling louder and louder until you change it...).

She also prefers to use the litter box with the bathroom door closed, and will go in the bathroom, put her paws up on the door, and close the door to use the litter box. Then, she puts her paws under the door, and as long as it hasn't latched shut, she will pull it towards her until it opens. She is a total drama queen. Sophie on the other hand, is a little sister. She picks on Emma, chases her around, and totally wants to hang out with her. She does things like let Emma get settled on the back of the chair (her preferred hangout) and then she will jump up on the chair, so Emma growls and flees, and then Sophie can have the prewarmed chair. One of them, and I don't know which one, has decided that if I do not get home on time to feed them, they will then proceed to shred the toilet paper to varying degrees. I am pretty sure Emma is doing this with her teeth...So when I got home today, this is what I found: Emma had locked herself in the bathroom and the toilet paper was mysteriously shredded all the way down to the little cardboard tube. Stupid roommates.

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