The week of mid-winter break should be a glorious interlude in the school year...the halfway point between September and late (very late...stupid snow days) June. Instead, late February turns into the low point of the year. Teacher despair hits an all-time low and this year there is more despair than usual.
There is, of course, all the problems in Wisconsin. And the proposal in Detroit. And teacher cuts in Texas.
In addition, I have been working on my national board certification, which involves approximately 57 billion words written in a specific format proving that I am, in fact, a good teacher and haven't irreparably harmed generations of teenagers, whom everyone is counting on to Save America, because the Kids Are Our Future. It's been a rough week, and while I am not exactly where I want to be, I am close.
I was talking to a teacher friend last night, a fantastic, committed, professional who has been at our school for quite a while. She told me that she is considering putting in a request to move to to a different school in our district. I asked why, and she said that she felt like she needed to take a break from the kids. The kids at my school are needy. They require a complex formula of hand-holding, coaxing, pushing, punishing, manipulating, and love that should be the job of their parents, but is in fact often up to us, their teachers. This formula is even more demanding for us. As an example, while compiling evidence for my national boards, I realized that in my 6th period, a class with 22 kids, I have 4 kids who read at the 2nd grade level, and 4 kids that read at the college level, and the class average is a low 7th grade level. How do I give them 10th grade instruction when their reading skills are so low? It's hard.
I've often wondered what would happen to my teaching if I wasn't a spinster, if I had a husband and kids...or even just a boyfriend. Teaching where I do is unbelievably demanding. It requires constant focus and effort and doesn't leave much room for a personal life. It's why teachers in low-income schools burn out so fast. Teachers in my situation don't leave because they get better offers from other districts. They leave because they're mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. My co-teacher Clark arrives at school by 6:15 am and doesn't usually leave until 5:00 or 5:30 pm. I often spend my weekends grading papers instead of going out with friends and I spend my summers in classes and rewriting curriculum.
For now, I'm committed. But it's hard to stay so sometimes.
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday, September 12, 2008
Major Malfunction
This year has been rough for me so far, and I don't really know why. But today, like Ike, all things fell apart.
Yesterday, my vice-principal asked me to read an article in preparation for the staff development activity we were having this morning. The article was on assessments, and I forgot to take it home last night so I had to read it when I got to school this morning. First of all, it was written in educational vernacular, so it is like reading a foreign language. Seriously, just SAY "continually checking student understanding" instead of "working towards progressive assessment." Secondly, I have not been feeling well and when I read it, it was like the words just went in and straight back out. Thirdly, there is a movement in the school to start developing common curriculum and assessments, meaning that all teachers of the same subject teach the same thing at the same time (and sometimes the same way). This is not necessarily a bad thing, especially within a school. And it makes sense for the state to tell us what a specific class should cover. But the danger lies when the district (meaning district officials that often have not been in the classroom for more than a decade) makes a common class plan and assessment. This will result in micromanagement on the part of admistration, and frustration and disillusionment on the part of the teachers. I have seen it happen, I have been in a state and district and school that did that and I was so unhappy that I left...and I NEVER want to go back. So when I hear other teachers in the school asking that the district give them their curriculum, I want to stand up and scream "NO!!!" at the top of my voice.
So....for these and many other reasons, some of which I don't know myself, I fell apart when I was asked to read my "favorite" part of the article. Like, burst into tears and had to leave the room kind of fall apart. As in hugely embarrassing and incredibly annoying tears that would not stop. As in even now, 14 hours later, I still get tears in my eyes kind of breakdown. And of course, everyone had an idea in their head what I was upset about. Which is super annoying because I don't even really know what was going on. So, I was out in the hall for the rest of the meeing...and when the first people started leaving the meeting, went back to my room. Which is when the principal - the new principal I have only met twice - opened my locked door and asked if I was ok and if there was something he could do. ARGH. NO. I'm crying AGAIN. GO AWAY.
Then, during 2nd period, my vice-principal (the same one who asked me to read the article), called me into his office and asked if I was ok. So I fell apart again. Because, why not? And how many people know about this incident?
I thought about things all day, and have come to the conclusion that there are several things that I am stressed out about and I hadn't realized it. One of the things that is causing problems - that I can do something about - is the travel club that I am coadvisor of. So, I think I am going to let it go. Of all the things that I do outside of school, that is the one that frustrates me the most. That means I don't get to go to Greece and Italy next summer, but that's ok.
The good thing, as I tell my kids, is that time doesn't go slower. So today marched on, and then it was over, and now it's the weekend...and football galore. Hopefully the sinus infection I can feel doesn't develop into a horribly raging cold.
Yesterday, my vice-principal asked me to read an article in preparation for the staff development activity we were having this morning. The article was on assessments, and I forgot to take it home last night so I had to read it when I got to school this morning. First of all, it was written in educational vernacular, so it is like reading a foreign language. Seriously, just SAY "continually checking student understanding" instead of "working towards progressive assessment." Secondly, I have not been feeling well and when I read it, it was like the words just went in and straight back out. Thirdly, there is a movement in the school to start developing common curriculum and assessments, meaning that all teachers of the same subject teach the same thing at the same time (and sometimes the same way). This is not necessarily a bad thing, especially within a school. And it makes sense for the state to tell us what a specific class should cover. But the danger lies when the district (meaning district officials that often have not been in the classroom for more than a decade) makes a common class plan and assessment. This will result in micromanagement on the part of admistration, and frustration and disillusionment on the part of the teachers. I have seen it happen, I have been in a state and district and school that did that and I was so unhappy that I left...and I NEVER want to go back. So when I hear other teachers in the school asking that the district give them their curriculum, I want to stand up and scream "NO!!!" at the top of my voice.
So....for these and many other reasons, some of which I don't know myself, I fell apart when I was asked to read my "favorite" part of the article. Like, burst into tears and had to leave the room kind of fall apart. As in hugely embarrassing and incredibly annoying tears that would not stop. As in even now, 14 hours later, I still get tears in my eyes kind of breakdown. And of course, everyone had an idea in their head what I was upset about. Which is super annoying because I don't even really know what was going on. So, I was out in the hall for the rest of the meeing...and when the first people started leaving the meeting, went back to my room. Which is when the principal - the new principal I have only met twice - opened my locked door and asked if I was ok and if there was something he could do. ARGH. NO. I'm crying AGAIN. GO AWAY.
Then, during 2nd period, my vice-principal (the same one who asked me to read the article), called me into his office and asked if I was ok. So I fell apart again. Because, why not? And how many people know about this incident?
I thought about things all day, and have come to the conclusion that there are several things that I am stressed out about and I hadn't realized it. One of the things that is causing problems - that I can do something about - is the travel club that I am coadvisor of. So, I think I am going to let it go. Of all the things that I do outside of school, that is the one that frustrates me the most. That means I don't get to go to Greece and Italy next summer, but that's ok.
The good thing, as I tell my kids, is that time doesn't go slower. So today marched on, and then it was over, and now it's the weekend...and football galore. Hopefully the sinus infection I can feel doesn't develop into a horribly raging cold.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Motivation, Schmotivation
Sometimes it is hard to get motivated for school and you don't really know why. I love the school I work at, I like the kids, we have a great new principal, some awesome new counselors, an absolutely great coteacher, and amazing coworkers. But I am still unmotivated. I have gone to school, I have looked at books, I have unpacked and organized my classroom, but yet I am still unmotivated. Parts of me are motivated, but not the planning part. Anyone want to plan my year for me? 
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Motivation
Yesterday, in search of some motivation, I went to look for a plan book for next year. I didn't find one, but I did find some good deals on school supplies. At Staples, 6 spiral notebooks for 30 cents. At Fred Meyer, looseleaf paper, 3 packs for a dollar. Does this inspire me? A little, but not enough to actually start working on planning. I am going up to school this week, so maybe putting my room in order will inspire me. =) Maybe.
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