Grades and Comments

I have spent the last two hours entering grades, a mind-numbing and depressing process, if I do say so myself. I entered teaching just as districts began switching to online gradebook systems, so I don't know what it used to be like. I do know that my student's grades would have been a lot less accurate if they would have had to depend on me and my math skills. The online gradebook systems that I have used are all fairly similar, and at the end of the grading period you enter comments, along with the grades, that will then appear on the report card. The comments are pre-set, which makes perfect sense, since I always wish that I could say what I really think, and that is most likely not the best option in the long run.

Pre-set comments usually consist of things like:

• not working to potential
• missing assignments
• inconsistent work quality
• absences affecting achievement
• disruptive influence in class
• does not manage time well
• motivation and effort vary

But these pre-set comments simply don't capture what is actually taking place in my classroom. I need comments like:

• sleeps in class - even standing up
• has senioritis, and this sophomore level class will prevent them from graduating unless something dramatic clicks very soon
• flirting is interfering with his/her learning as well as the learning of every other male/female in the room
• comes back to class late after lunch, usually scarfing down the last scraps of a McDonald's lunch 
• completely and utterly unmotivated to do anything at all for any reason... ever... including impending shark attacks
• has to sit in the hallway most days for being disrespectful or rude
• calls me racist because I tell him to stop talking 
• has the maturity level of a 6th grader

I have realized that we as teachers create our own "teacher code" that makes perfect sense to us, but may not make sense to anyone else. Let me tell you what we are actually trying to say with those comments.

• not working to potential - actually means "your kid is smart, but ridiculously lazy...they could probably get an A if they tried even once in a while"
• missing assignments - actually means "seriously, your kid never turns in anything, even when I beg and plead"
• inconsistent work quality - actually means "I see flashes of brilliance and then sheer apathy....but mostly apathy"
• absences affecting achievement - actually means "maybe if you stopped keeping your kid home when they claim their 'stomach hurts' or taking off for three months for a family vacation to Samoa, your kid would pass this class. As it is, they never make up any of that missing work and then wonder why they aren't passing."
• disruptive influence in class - actually means "I am considering quitting this profession because your child makes me want to rip off my own arm and beat them to death with it."
• does not manage time well - actually means "two words: lazy and unfocused
• motivation and effort vary - actually means "lazy unless you have yelled at them the night before"

I often wish I could be far more direct, but we live in a culture that doesn't really respect that as much as we claim and a culture in which we have been told "you can do anything" so much that we actually believe we deserve special treatment.

Days and Days and Days and Days

All right, that's it. I'm tired of school.

It's time for summer vacation. Good thing we have a four day weekend coming up. My big plans?

I'm cleaning my house and grading Really Bad Essays.

No really, they really, really stink.

So much so that I am looking forward to cleaning my house.

Christmas Vacation

All teachers have a little secret. We look forward to vacation much more than the kids do. It's not a secret to my students, I told them several times, but something they don't know is the deeper teacher secret.

We all think we will get caught up over Christmas break.

I am not sure when this Christmas miracle is supposed to happen, somewhere between the family celebrations, last minute shopping and traveling, but we all think we will be coming back to school in January rested, refreshed, and caught up with all those grades that slipped through the cracks in November and December. (That's right, I said NOVEMBER. I still have part of an essay test that the kids took the day before Thanksgiving break. So sue me.) I brought home a stack of essay tests, a map assignment and a couple of homework assignments that all need to be graded before 7:20 Monday, January 4. I still have a week, and truth be told, I never intended to work on them before this coming week anyway, but they still taunt me.

I actually brought the aforementioned pile of essays home to Oregon to grade, but they haven't made it off the floor of my bedroom, where I dumped them when I unloaded my car. And the likelihood of me working on them anytime in the next 24 hours, before I leave to go back up north, is slim to none. But I feel guilty if I go anywhere without work to do, so I hauled them down here, and I'll haul them back up north again in a day or so.

And then, if I feel like it, I'll grade them. Maybe.

Conscientious Objector

I am a conscientious objector. I conscientiously object to working on grading during the first Memorial Day weekend in Seattle in 30 years to have perfect 70 degree weather and cloudless skies for three straight days.

So I objected. I laid down the law. I made the decision - NO. I am not grading a single thing this weekend. I will stay late at school and work on grading during my prep, but I WILL NOT GRADE this weekend.

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This past week we talked about WWII in class. On Tuesday we talked about the Holocaust. It is the one day per year that I can lecture and have pretty much absolute undivided focus from every student. We talked about the meaning of genocide....the destuction of an entire ethnic group, and how the suffix "-cide" means killing. Like suicide, homicide, or pesticide.

This weekend I came to the realization that I am an herbicide. I kill plants.

I live in an apartment on the second floor and I have a balcony. It overlooks a garage, to be sure, but there are lots of trees and grass and plants in the flower bed below. Every year I get the urge to plant things....my dad is a farmer and my mom, well, you've seen her flowers before on this blog. I'm pretty sure this urge is genetic. Note, however, the very sorry looking balcony I had up to today. Yes, those are dead branches on the ground.

Because, you see, the problem is that while my dad and mom are both successful herbophiles, I have what I generally refer to as "the thumb of death." I plant things every year, and every year I do my best to keep those living things alive, and every year I utterly fail to do that one simple thing. Case in point, last year this was a perfectly healthy, blooming snapdragon. But every year I try again, and every year I believe I can do it. Every year I bring home a new crop of plants destined to end up the equivalent of a belly-up goldfish. Today was the day. Today was the day I brought home the doomed. Look at them there....not knowing that today is the day they begin the fairly quick march to death. I cleaned off my balcony - there were dead leaves and spiders, dirt clods and a fairly thick layer of pollen on everything. To make things more exciting, the apartment complex, in all of their wisdom, installed outdoor carpeting on all the balconies, so I'm sure the sight of me VACUUMING the balcony was somewhat odd.

I planted and potted and then took a break to nearly choke to death on the pollen clouds and the cottonwood fuzzies flying around. Stupid cottonwood trees....it's the only allergy I retained when I moved back from Texas. The cotton is EVERYWHERE - it looks like it's snowing. Here is the balcony afterwards...I now have the following things in pots: Chives, spearmint, romaine lettuce, spinach, oregano, chocolate mint, tomato, hot pepper, rosemary and a strawberry plant. I also have some snapdragons, because I love them. I am going to get one more plant, a gerbera daisy, and then enjoy these plants until I suffocate them with love and they all die. Now, I'm outside enjoying the fact that I have wireless internet and seriously, this is the view from my chair on my balcony. It's PERFECT here.

I am a tiny bit jealous of my neighbor's planter....it's a blue glass clawfoot bathtub, and even though I am not a huge fan of pansies, I think it's cute. By the way, this is hands down my favorite herb. A chocolate mint plant. Toss 5-6 of those leaves in some sun tea and let them steep for a while......Ahhhhh perfection. In fact, that might be the next thing I do today.

Enjoy the weekend everyone, I hope the weather is fabulous where you are, but I can pretty much guarantee it's not as awesome as here. =) And remember, fight the power. NO WORKING.

The Reason I Haven't Showered This Weekend

Anyone want to trade jobs with me?? Anyone??Seriously. I'm open to shoveling elephant poo or being a phone salesman at this point.

grading stinks

I am so far behind on grading it is ridiculous. I have short answer questions to grade from the last quiz, notebooks that were turned in a week ago, and as of tomorrow, about 1oo research papers to grade. ARGH. I absolutely hate grading, and what makes it even worse is the certainty that these research papers, which we have been working on for a week, will be awful. It is as if these kids don't even speak English (which they all do, even if it is their second or third language). The sentence structure is unbelievably bad and things I learned to do in 4th and 5th grade will be done incorrectly. It has gotten to the point where I know that if it is written correctly, they copied it from the internet, but if it wasn't copied it is written so badly that it is almost impossible to understand. It sounds like I am exaggerating, but I am not, which is what is so depressing. Once I grade them I will post some of the more interesting sentences.