Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Smell of Special College

One of the classes I have twice a week is my advisory class. It is a class of twenty kids that I have had since they were freshmen. They are now juniors and we are trying to prepare them to launch themselves on the unsuspecting universe in about 17 months. One of their projects was to research two universities to find out things like tuition, entrance requirements, etc.

Each of my students was allowed to choose whatever 2 colleges they wanted, as long as at least one college was out of state. One of the kids in my class (I'll call him Randy), asked to do his research on technical or motorcycle repair colleges. He is a student that has very low grades, but always knows better than everyone else about everything, and he has a girlfriend I call Vampira because of her habit of leaving suck marks on his neck - 3 or 4 at a time on any given day.

Randy actually worked on his college research pretty well and did his presentation today during class. His second slide was a list of classes offered at this college, called Oaksterdam University.

And that's the moment I realized that he was doing a college presentation on a college devoted to MARIJUANA.

Thaaaaat's right, folks, this is a college dedicated to the "cannabis industry," according to their byline on the website. Classes include the following (my commentary in parentheses):
  • Horticulture (how to grow marijuana)
  • THREE different "methods of ingestion" classes (so.....a class on how to smoke a doobie?)
  • Advanced Grow (how to grow....bigger pot plants??)
  • Cannabusiness - YES that is the real name of the class!!!!! - (apparently, how to legally sell marijuana?)
There are about 15 different classes offered, but no worries, the standards are pretty low. There are no regular degrees offered, but you CAN get a get a Certificate of Attendance just for attending all your classes. If you want a higher degree? Well....you can get a Certificate of Completion WITH HONORS for attending all your classes AND doing your homework.

I can only imagine the homework assignments.

Meanwhile, Randy is giving his presentation and I interrupted him to ask, "are you seriously doinig a presentation on a pot college???" and his response was "yes! It's a growing industry!" at which point I just lost it.

The saddest part of all......I don't think his grades are good enough to get in.